9 Superheroes Who Would be Banned from the Olympics

July 28th, 2012  |  Published in Geek

Today marked the opening ceremonies of what will be the games of the XXX Olympiad in London, England. Athletes from around the globe have gathered to showcase their individual achievement in athletic prowess and go for the gold LITERALLY. And of course my mind naturally gravitated towards Superheroes (as it often does.) It’s no coincidence that many of our favorite caped and cowled heroes strike such a parallel to the Olympic Athletes. Both exude strength, speed, agility, determination and the passion it takes to win. So it got me thinking…if any of these Superheroes actually existed in our world, would they be allowed to compete? Probably not. But if they could what event would they participate in?

The Flash – Marathon

This one goes without saying in my opinion. While many heroes can run fast, none is more famous or iconic as The Flash. Choose any one of the speedsters: Barry, Wally, Bart, Jay….it doesn’t really matter. If you race against the Flash, you’re simply running for the silver. Sorry Kenya.

Hawkeye – Archery

While DC may have Green Arrow, ever since The Avengers made Box Office history most everyone is now aware of Marvel’s Archer-supreme. I think it’s safe to say that if Clint Barton entered himself into this event, he would win the Gold…and then take the Avengers’ box office money and turn the Gold into Platinum.

Aquaman – Synchronized Swimming

This event may be beautiful and all, but you can’t really argue with a guy who could have six sharks swimming in sync with him can you? Perhaps it’s befitting that the lamest of all Olympic sports goes to Aquaman.

Spiderman – Gymnastics

Spidey can fly thru the air on a single strand of his webbing, stick to walls and do backflips off of skyscrapers for crying out loud! Put him in any event and Spidey wins. Period….except maybe the floor routine.

The Incredible Hulk – Weight Lifting

Hulk win Gold. (Although I’m not sure if Gamma rays would be considered performance enhancing drugs…)

Batman – Tae Kwon Do

Batman has trained his body to be in top physical condition and has studied many different styles of martial arts, but if you ask him why he would take the gold in this event I would like to think he would simply say “BECAUSE I’M BATMAN!!!”

Captain America – Opening Ceremonies

The opening ceremonies and the following introduction of the athletes are all about having pride in your country, but somehow I feel like ‘Cap might still feel a little out of place. Still…if there’s ever a time to dress up in your nation’s flag and carry a shield of vibranium…this would be the time!

Thor – Hammer Throw

That’s not a hammer. THAT’s a Hammer!

Superman – Automatic Disqualification

Sorry Supes. Krypton is not recognized by the Olympic Committee.

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